As a ninth grader, divorce is foreign. Divorce makes no sense. Divorce seems wrong.
“My thoughts were like, ‘Why? Why are they doing this? Why didn’t they want to stay together? Didn’t they love each other? Didn’t they love us? They’ve been together for 20 years. What changed?’. Divorce changed the way I saw love,” junior Sydney Himanek said.
Her parent’s divorce was finalized when Himanek was a freshman. Once she was older, she understood the circumstances and was a support system for her little brother. Himanek understood seeing her parents apart was better than seeing them together, because she knew there was nothing left to be done.
“The hardest part was seeing my family move on,” Himanek said. “But it was for the better.”

Coping
No divorce is the same. Different circumstances present themselves in each situation.
“Some families are better with divorce, some are not,” counselor Dr. Julia Jones-Lau said.
Fighting and turmoil bring chaos to families and separation tends to work for the better, according to Jones-Lau. Situations vary from family to family, but adjustment in the emotional state of children takes place over time.
“Is there adjustment? Yes, absolutely there is adjustment. Some kids just do better than others. There’s resiliency factors,” Jones-Lau said.
Being able to bounce back from a separation can take a mental toll, no matter the situation. Approximately 25 percent of children with divorced parents experience depression and anxiety, according to Dartmouth research. Spending time with both sides of the family, taking time to think alone and talking to someone are effective ways adolescents can cope.
“It’s just hard, because they don’t see their family as complete,” Jones-Lau said. “Sometimes people need to seek outside help. Sharing with a trusted friend may help.”

Weekly visits
Nearly 50 percent of all divorces involve couples with children, according to research conducted by Children and Divorce. However, visitation schedules are made so children can spend time with each parent.
“I see my mom every day and my dad when he’s in the country, because he’s in the military. But when I do visit back and forth, I always forget my socks, a lot of socks go missing in travel,” junior Traevon Coy said.
Traveling between houses cause minor issues and slip-ups. Forgetting homework and clothing occurs more often for some more than others.
“Going back and forth is a pain,” senior Brendan Berryman said. “Every Sunday, my younger brother and I switch houses, it gets kind of annoying.”

Holidays
The holiday season can bring challenges to a separated family, because a juggle of arrangements are made so children can celebrate with loved ones and it often results in missing important days with important family members. For junior Zachary Paris, the holidays he spends with each parent alternate every year.
“It’s fair to them and I’d say it’s fair to me, because I get to see them on whatever holidays, like Thanksgiving or something. But if it’s an important holiday like Christmas I might spend the day with my mom and the next day with my dad. It’s been this way for so long, that it honestly doesn’t bother me,” Paris said.
For those with stepfamilies, the holidays may be something to look forward to. Multiple celebrations mean seeing more family and prolonged festivities.
“Christmases are always fun,” Coy said. “I have a few separate celebrations, so I get to see all my family.”

Step-family
About 50 percent of men and women remarry within five years of their divorce, according to marketing expert Brandon Gaille. Parents remarrying may cause temporary distress and hardships, but getting used to new family happens over time.
“My mom remarried and I have two stepbrothers. It gets wild sometimes, but it’s not that bad,” Berryman said. “But, my older brother lives with my dad all the time, so I don’t get to see him as much. It’s hard sometimes.”
When both parents remarry, a strong support system tends to form within the new families. Of those who remarry, 65 percent bring children from a previous marriage or relationship.
“It’s strange, because my parents aren’t together,” Coy said. “But now I have four wonderful parents and I have a lot of siblings, it’s fantastic.”